I fell in love with my cousin, what should I do? "I fell in love with my stepsister

Greetings, my dear reader! Today we will touch on one of the most difficult “love” topics, the attitude towards which in our society has always been, in general, very contradictory. Without further ado, let's say that we'll talk about the relationship between close relatives, namely between brother and sister.

If you are reading these lines, then most likely your situation looks something like this. You always perceived your sister (in in this case still native or step) as the closest and dear friend(namely a friend!), spent hours with her, could discuss absolutely any topic, shared his mysteries and secrets. In a word, you had a normal relationship, like a brother and sister usually have. But one day you realize that you have fallen in love... with your sister! TO THE SISTER!

Or maybe your story is a little different? You always knew that your cousin or second cousin lived somewhere, you saw her a couple of times as a child, then many years passed, you met her again and realized that this girl was exactly the one you had been waiting for all your life. Yes, even if this is not a sister, but still a sister. How to be?

We suspect that you do not see a way out of this, frankly speaking, not the simplest situation. You seem to love and, at the same time, are afraid of the negativity that can fall on you from others if they suddenly find out who has become the object of your adoration. But don't give up! Let's try to figure it out together.

I fell in love with my sister. What to do?

In our opinion, the only the right decision in this situation - to openly tell about everything to the object of your adoration. Are you afraid? Well, this is quite natural, but believe me, it will be better this way. At least you will know how your lover feels about you. The reaction, of course, can be different - from total misunderstanding, indifference and even disgust to reciprocity. If you receive a refusal, be courageous and accept it with understanding. It’s still better than being tormented, not knowing “whether she loves you too or not.” And time, as they say, heals. If your feelings turn out to be mutual... don’t rush to jump for joy. Let's start by using our minds and together we'll sort everything out.

I fell in love with my sister, I'm afraid that they won't understand me. What to do?

Let us tell you right away that love is, in any case, wonderful and the fact that you experience such a feeling is not a reason for any fear and shame. I think we won’t be wrong if we say that it’s probably not that important for you that you fell in love with your sister. But that's not what we're talking about now. After all, it’s not your love that scares you, but something else, right?

Let's look at your situation from the outside. There's one thing you should know important thing. Any person, any family lives in society - it cannot be otherwise. And the opinion of society (in other words, the social environment) has to be taken into account. This is where all the problems that worry you so much now begin.

The whole point is that love relationship between close relatives (scientifically called incest) have always aroused public interest (and unhealthy), but were perceived, as they say, “with hostility.” No, I'm not saying there were no precedents.

For example, the Roman emperor Caligula was married to his own sister. And in some backward African countries this is generally quite normal practice.

Even in our country, in the recent past, there were often cases when marriages took place between cousins. Just remember how marriages were concluded between representatives royal families Russian Empire and children of European rulers. Although there, of course, there was not love, but pure calculation. But all the same, the attitude towards such couples has always been... wary, to put it mildly.

Therefore, here is my advice to you - if you once realized that you have fallen in love with your sister, take off " pink glasses"and try to look at the situation from the outside and answer a few questions for yourself. Are your feelings mutual? If not, are you ready to live with the painful feeling that your love will never be there. And if your feelings are mutual, will you (not even “you”, but “you”, since it will not be easy for both of you) withstand the pressure that will certainly follow from others and, first of all, relatives? The choice is always yours, we will just try to outline for you possible options developments and will try to push you towards the right decision.

I fell in love with my own sister. This is fine?

Is your object of adoration your own sister (no matter older or younger)? Well, it happens. Listen, aren’t you confusing anything, is this really love? This is not the kind of love that usually exists between brother and sister - this is a completely natural feeling, it would be much worse if you did not experience this. Namely, the one that arises between a man and a woman - with emotional and sexual attraction, fantasies involving the object of your adoration and all that. Not sure? Listen to your heart - what does it tell you? Perhaps you simply value your sister and still love her, sorry for the tautology, “like a sister”? Maybe, you will say, but then where does my jealousy come from? Well, that's quite normal. You spent with your sister most life and it is natural that you become annoyed and offended when other men begin to “hover” around your beloved sister (that’s what you call it, right?). Something inside you “clicks” and you can’t do anything about your jealousy. You understand internally that it shouldn’t be this way, and your sister will, in any case, have her own family someday, but... you’re still jealous. Let us repeat - this is normal, the vast majority of brothers experience similar feelings.

Not convinced? Are you sure this is the most real love? Well, then here's our opinion. Just no offense, because you want to adequately assess your situation. So, we want to tell you with authority that close relationships between siblings are nonsense. But don’t rush to vigorously defend the opposite point of view! First, listen to why we think this way. The point here is not even about love itself - as we said above, it is good. Here the situation is different - after all, you are probably making further plans in your thoughts - a wedding, life together, children... Yes? But there are two points that can ruin your plans.

Firstly, domestic legislation regulating family legal relations prohibits marriages between full and half-siblings (that is, those who have a common father or mother) brothers and sisters. You, of course, can say that marriage is generally a formality and two loving people can live well together without officially registering their relationship. Well, it’s hard to argue here, but still remember that, from the Russian point of view Family Code, marriage with sister impossible.

Now catch the second moment, which, we hope, can convince you that we are right. You've probably heard that offspring from parents who are siblings are often born with physical and mental disabilities. Heard? AND? Doesn't this prospect scare you?

Don't be so selfish, buddy! You should not expose your children to such a risk, which may be the result of your relationship with your sister.

You can again insist on your own and say that you will take the child from orphanage, but we will also remain in our opinion - love and close relationships between siblings are nonsense. Therefore, find the strength within yourself to understand this. Gradually, you will cool down and your love will develop into, let’s say, “ordinary” friendship or affection. This won’t happen right away, but be patient, you’re a man. Time will pass, and you will begin to perceive everything you have lived and changed your mind as valuable life experience. We think you can handle it.

I fell in love with my cousin/second cousin. What should I do?

Well... the law, in general, does not prohibit such marriages, so from a legal point of view, relations between first and second cousins ​​have a future. And doctors will not look at you so strictly if you decide to have children (although there is, of course, a risk of deviations). But besides medical and legal laws, there are also laws of society. We have already said that such relationships and, especially, marriages in our country are looked at askance. Therefore, you should be prepared for difficult conversations with relatives, excuses in the spirit of “Why do you need this?” and “What will people say?” and other not so pleasant things. But if you firmly decide that your love is above all, then go ahead. Over time, your relatives will become more loyal, and your neighbors will stop whispering behind your back. The main thing is to go through all the tests together. Then everything will work out.

I fell in love with my stepsister. Does our relationship have a future?

The situation, at first glance, seems quite simple, but still we see a number of moments that confuse you. Let's figure out what your fears actually are and try to give practical advice.

So, you realize that you fell in love, but you fell in love with your sister. Let it be a step-by-step one. But still a sister! What to do? In our opinion, there is nothing terrible or unnatural in this situation at all. Well, that's it! Why? After all, “physiologically” (or, if you want, by blood) you are not relatives and, if we ignore the fact that this is your half-sister, your beloved will turn out to be an ordinary girl whom you could well meet on the street or, for example, in cafe.

It’s just that your parents’ lives turned out in such a way that you became half-siblings. But this does not mean that such life circumstances must ruin the lives of both of you if everything is mutual between you!

Of course, it's up to you to decide, but we believe that this is not an obstacle. Surely, here too there will be a certain degree of misunderstanding and rejection of your love, but, in general, society is much more tolerant of relationships between half-brothers and sisters. Not to mention the law and medicine - they don’t prohibit you from doing anything at all. Therefore, if your feelings are mutual, live together, have children and may everything be fine with you. The main thing is that everything is mutual!

I fell in love with my sister. When to go to a psychologist

If everything we talked about above did not prompt you to make the right decisions, then we can advise you to use help professional psychologist. You shouldn’t be ashamed of your feelings and consider yourself some kind of pervert. Just like you shouldn’t blame yourself for falling in love with your sister. You can't order your heart. It’s just that if you are completely confused, cannot tell anyone about your feelings and have generally lost peace, know that the time has come. The main thing is to find a competent specialist who will listen to you carefully and will definitely tell you how best to proceed. The main thing is to be honest with yourself.

I fell in love with my sister. Let's sum it up

Well, our today’s, frankly speaking, difficult conversation has come to an end. We hope that you learned something useful from it and will be able to make the right decision. In conclusion, I would like to briefly remind you of the main points that we wanted to convey to you.

• Don't be shy about your feelings. Love is not a disease and we do not choose with whom and when we fall in love.
• Don't follow the lead public opinion, but remember that you always have to reckon with him.
• Listen to the advice of your family and friends, but don’t let them build your personal life.
• Don't forget about the legal and medical aspects of sibling relationships.
• Remember that this is your life and only you can decide how and with whom you spend it.

Listen to your heart and it will tell you the right decision! Good luck!

Time: 02:52 Date of: 04/08/02

My situation is simply catastrophic, I fell in love, but with someone, a sister, a relative, and on top of everything else, she is 4 months pregnant, but not from me. She was supposed to have a wedding soon, but since our feeling is mutual, it won’t happen. I agree to adopt a child, and I agree to anything, just to be with her for the rest of my life! Our parents are simply in shock, she was sent to another city, I can’t find a place for myself! What to do!!!??? How is this all real? Or should I hurt myself and her and break this connection? Although, I don’t care about her and my parents, I’m 24, she’s 20. But I would like to, as they say, like a human being!

Time: 04:49 Date of: 04/08/02

Well, if this is all mutual, and you are independent, then what is holding you back? Second cousins, IMHO, are very much allowed to marry... If you want your own child, you will need to go to a geneticist. So - what's the problem?

Time: 09:40 Date of: 04/08/02

I have a friend, he is married to his cousin (well, the guys had an unearthly love). They have been married for 10 years, their son is 8. In general, everything is fine with them. So if everything is so serious for you, then don’t be afraid of anything. If you want a child, go to a geneticist. Good luck to you!

Time: 10:51 Date of: 04/08/02

The problem is clearly not in the relationship, but in the sister’s pregnancy... Will the author be able to continue to treat this adequately?

Time: 13:39 Date of: 04/08/02

Yes, everything is fine with pregnancy, I take it calmly and will love the child as my own, just how can I convince the society that inevitably surrounds us all that this is a real pure feeling, and not some kind of pathology, as everyone is trying to explain. It’s very hard for me, but she’s scared to even imagine how!

Time: 13:41 Date of: 04/08/02

My uncle has been married to his second cousin for quite a long time (or my aunt is married to her second cousin, it doesn’t matter). They have two sons (20 and 15 years old). In principle, everything is great.
Follow her. But remember whether you will be able to love and consider her child as yours when he is born, because what you have now is euphoria. Maybe wait until she gives birth, and then see how you feel about this child.
Good luck!

Time: 13:55 Date of: 04/08/02

If you dare to unite your destinies in defiance of everyone, I think....it will be difficult at first..
But in the end they will forgive, understand and everything will be OK)))
The main thing is that both of you are confident in your feelings....
Good luck and happiness))))

Time: 14:25 Date of: 04/08/02

Well then everything is fine. Second cousins ​​are not siblings; there is no pathology in their relationship. Cousins ​​get married, and that’s okay, and even more so here... Forget about relatives for now, then they will have to accept the inevitable.

Time: 14:30 Date of: 04/08/02

So everything will be OK. Parents will get used to it over time, but I don’t see any problem. It is not a close relationship that will lead to incest.
Resolve the situation with your parents, and if they refuse to understand, then they will get used to it over time, but the responsibility increases
Good luck

Time: 23:57 Date of: 04/08/02

I what? the most backward? No need for consanguineous marriages!!! If something goes wrong, you will blame yourself first of all! And you will live with your relatives, who, in case of any problems, will remind you that it is because of your relationship.
It's better to treat her like a BIG brother. Caring and loving. Just be there when she feels bad. And see to it that her husbands do not offend her. Well, you will provide financial assistance.
In general, you are just a BROTHER!

Time: 05:40 Date of: 05/08/02

My parents are second cousins, although when they met they didn’t know about it. And everything is fine with them! They have been living together for almost 30 years, they gave birth to two children, without going to any geneticist. Both my brother and I are fine, no congenital pathologies. After all, second cousins ​​are very far from each other.
You will be fine, Student! Take your beloved and don’t think about her being your sister. For you, she is not a sister, but first of all a beloved woman.

Time: 05:40 Date of: 05/08/02

“Or should I hurt myself and her and break this connection?”
Those. Are you ready to break up with her on the advice of complete strangers, received over the wire?

Time: 10:11 Date of: 05/08/02

But he’s not her brother- second cousin. They even marry people like that in church. And the problems... As for the child, they already advised me to go to geneticists, but what other problems there could be, it doesn’t even occur to me yet.

Time: 11:02 Date of: 05/08/02

I don’t understand at all what genetics has to do with it. What, the Student has severe problems in his family hereditary diseases?

Time: 11:44 Date of: 05/08/02

Well, he can wait, but what should she do? Explain to the child's father that she will wait until her second cousin decides whether he will love this child or not? What if he returns?

Time: 14:59 Date of: 05/08/02

I know everything perfectly about dominant and recessive genes, I’m a student, and besides, Medina. I am not at all interested in considering my situation at the subcellular level, I understand everything about genetics myself, it is important for me to understand, to feel that we are not committing some kind of crime in the eyes of people, although I don’t care about everything, I only want happiness for her and myself . I just want all the people around us to understand and not consider this some kind of unforgivable crime. I don’t even have anyone to talk about on this topic; all my attempts run into a wall of misunderstanding. It’s hard to live like this, but what to do...you have to. I’m afraid of upsetting my beloved, I don’t want her to worry when making any drastic decisions, since she’s already been in precarious condition for some time. I’m ready for anything, I’ll endure anything, but she... I don’t want her to suffer, I want to resolve this situation quickly and painlessly for her, I want to be with her!

Time: 16:49 Date of: 05/08/02

So what's the matter? Follow her and always be together!!! in love and harmony.
There is such a knightly motto: Do ​​what you must, and come what may. How are you loving person, must be loved and cared for, so go ahead! If possible, go get your loved one today!

Time: 23:01 Date of: 05/08/02

why are you suffering?

By all laws, you have the right to be married, it seems even in the church second cousins ​​can already get married...

By the way, does it really matter to you? if you love, send everyone to... and be happy! The Earth is big - a place so that they don’t pester you and where you can be happy and find human understanding!
Good luck!

Time: 03:07 Date of: 06/08/02

The second cousins ​​are very distant. Follow her and be happy. Parents will still accept everything as it is and calm down.

In such a situation, it is impossible to find a quick and easy answer. After all, everything would seem to be against you: both the laws of nature and society. But we will still try to find the answer to the question: what to do if you are in love with cousin?

I love my cousin

Confusion of feelings

First, you still need to understand your nature of feelings. Many girls think that she is in love, when in fact, they have completely different feelings that are simply difficult to define. Who do we consider a brother to be? Of course, if this is a good, real brother, then we see in him a protector, a helper, a person who loves us “for nothing” and will always support us. For a brother, we are always the ones who need to be protected. In fact, if you see your cousin in this way in your eyes, then it turns out that he falls under all the standards ideal husband. This is where the girl begins to think that she is in love with her cousin. In fact, this may not be the case at all. That is, undoubtedly, she is in love, but in a completely different way. After all, we also love and admire our relatives, but this feeling has a slightly different nature than love for a man. And often girls confuse these feelings and then don’t know what to do. This happens especially often to ladies who grew up in an incomplete family, that is, without a father. In this case, the girl begins to look for a protector for herself and sees him in her brother. But on the other hand, her family model, embedded in the subconscious, does not provide for some stranger who could become her husband, because he can abandon, offend, insult. But the beloved brother with whom they grew up will never do this. That is why mental ordeals and torment begin. If you understand that all of the above is about you, then once again carefully analyze your feelings for your brother. Perhaps you confuse love with the desire to receive protection and tenderness from loved one. Moreover, girls who grew up without a father always tend to compare guys with their brothers. But sometimes it just subconsciously seems to them that their brother is the most the best man, and all the other guys don't reach that level. That's when strange feelings begin to arise.

Real feeling

But such a situation cannot be considered in the case when the brother and sister met as adults and clearly non-brotherly feelings immediately arose between them. This case is the most difficult, because here the consciousness and subconscious simply do not see a relative in a person. It sees the object of attention, the man with whom you want to be. And then the question arises: what to do? First, you must find out how your brother treats you. If these feelings are not mutual, then, most likely, they should not be talked about at all. After all, as you know, relationships between relatives are condemned. And it's not just a matter of social norms, but also in genetics, although, on the other hand, with modern ecology it is already difficult to guess what is more harmful to health. But if the feelings are not mutual, then the only thing you will get from confession is attacks from your relatives. In this case, it is better to suppress these feelings.

But then, when your brother loves you as much as you love him, then the two of you need to decide whether you can resist a society that clearly will not praise you for such a decision. Of course, as mentioned above, there is some truth in their words. But on the other hand, very often a brother and sister, who are never allowed to be together, end up alone, because they turn out to be THAT love for each other. So, if you love your brother, and he loves you, then gather your will and strength into a fist and do not pay attention to what your relatives say. In the end, this is your family and if they love you, they will understand and accept you. Sooner or later, but it will happen. In the meantime, you just need to be patient a little so as not to lose the love of your life.

Question to a psychologist

Last summer, my cousin, whom I had only seen as a child, came to visit me. She lives in another city. I decided to show her our city, we went to many places and just had a really great time. And I fell in love with her, but decided not to say anything for now, she built a relationship with my best friend, I was incredibly jealous, but I thought it would pass. Then she left, but that was not the case, my feelings didn’t even dull, I see her in my dreams almost every night and have very deep feelings for her... next year It turned out that I went to visit relatives, and she lives in the same city. We walked with her like that, and I felt incredibly good and at the same time unbearably bad that she was my sister, then, having arrived in my city, I began to play sports, intensively study, NLP and other psychotechnics, trying to forget her, but it didn’t work. We communicated very closely every day, there were no secrets from each other, we discussed everything, I felt that this was SHE, because we communicated more like friends than like relatives... It was unbearable and at one moment I couldn’t stand it and decided to talk to her frankly and told her about my feelings, she responded by saying that she was sorry, but she didn’t feel anything like that for me, that she loved me only as a brother... It was terrible!!! I couldn’t recover from this for about a week and was like dead, I abandoned everything, lessons, training, communication with friends. Now I have only one thought - to die, in some way, I don’t want absolutely anything anymore, I have no appetite, no thirst, sleep is generally torture, because I still dream about it, but when I wake up, it’s not there... What should I do?

Hello, Nurlan! Let's look at this from a different point of view. She's your sister...it turns out to be incest. It is a wise decision on her part to tell you that she loves you like a brother. Your girlfriend, the only one you will ever meet, you have a unique opportunity to love your sister like a SISTER and be a worthy brother to her. Work with your feelings, preferably with a specialist. Sincerely, Olesya.

Good answer 3 Bad answer 8

Hello, Nurlan.

It's a sad time in your soul right now...

And it is difficult to find words to reduce your pain, your loss.

And you really have lost a loved one.

I don’t want to consider the question now that she is your sister.

You love her.

Fate decreed that she has other feelings for you - friendly, brotherly - and that’s great too.

The Lord saved you from the temptation to start a family with a person close to you by blood, but gave you friendship.

You know, it’s difficult to talk about your situation in a letter like that, to help you see different possibilities and facets of life...

Rather, this is possible in a personal meeting...

Make up your mind - contact me.

G. Idrisov.

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Hello, Nurlan! I don’t know what state you are in now, but what you are experiencing is difficult and unbearable, especially at first, but over time, this too will pass (words of the great Solomon)... In life, one thing is constant - change itself ! It is important for you to realize your feelings and live, since they are the ones who “torment” you and do not give you peace... And while living, let go... And take away something useful for yourself from this situation, yes, yes, exactly useful as a lesson! From my point of view: 1. That you have a beloved sister (or maybe not). 2. That it is better not to shelve your feelings and confessions, but to clarify them immediately, then it will be easier to clarify relationships and live in reality, and not in illusions... 3. “The role is more primary than the personality!” Before building a relationship, it is important to decide on the roles between each other, then the relationship will become clear. “Everything that is done is for the better!” Some time will pass - and for you, if you wish, everything will begin to improve and maybe even better, since this is simply not your girl and you were deceived... 4. We all make mistakes - we learn from them , let this situation teach you something Wise..., it’s just important to draw the right conclusions and move on with your life - this is not to compare your girlfriend with anyone else; appreciate what and who you have; start minding your own business, studying and believe that the best in your relationship is yet to come! All the best! Sincerely, Lyudmila K.

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Hello, Nurlan!

Your story is similar to thousands and millions of other stories about unrequited love, and the fact that she is your cousin, in my opinion, is not so important here. For example, my grandfather and grandmother on my father’s side were cousins, and everything is quite normal with all their descendants. And regarding your unrequited love, I think this: our feelings are free and we fall in love spontaneously, without choosing or evaluating the object of love, whether it suits us or not. And those we love are just as free in their feelings. They have every right not to love us, even if we are simply dying of love. This discrepancy is very sad, and I would suggest that you grieve about it from the bottom of your heart. The world is not ideal or perfect at all, and this is also sad. A feeling that is unrequited and not nourished by reciprocal love usually fades away over time, and the degree of your experiences, in my opinion, depends on whether you allow the object of your love not to love you or not. If you allow it, then this suffering will not be long and severe, and it will be easier to process it into a useful emotional experience. All the best, Elena.

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Dreams about siblings are quite common. If you have brothers and/or sisters in your life, then it is expected that they will be present in dreams about your family. The work of dream interpretation begins if one of your brothers and/or sisters is missing or if in a dream you suddenly have brothers and/or sisters who do not exist in reality.

If the lack of existing real life brother or sister is one of the central moments of the events occurring in the dream, then perhaps this reflects your perception of the family as a whole. If you or your brother (sister) do not get along with your family, then a dream about an incomplete family reflects a break in family relationships with one or more | persons.

Sometimes, if you tend to identify with your work colleagues, they may appear in the family in the form of a newfound brother or sister. If the solution proposed in a dream is completely acceptable to you, then this may foreshadow a constructive partnership. However, this event may cause slight concern: in dreams of this nature, you may feel that a new brother (sister) is penetrating too deeply into your life and claiming to be too close, from your point of view, family relations.

Interpretation of dreams from Loff's Dream Book

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